Calm Your Frozen Ass Down

We live in Oklahoma City which is currently whiter than normal because it’s covered in snow. Every time there is a snow storm on the horizon, the fine people of our city freak the fuck out. Always. This is evident by the rush made on grocery stores. People wipe the shelves clean of any and every perishable food item imaginable. It’s as though people feel snow=apocalypse and in a post apocalyptic world bread and milk will be used as currency. “I better get seven loaves of bread and ten gallons of milk! Milk sandwiches are the way of the damn future!” Carb loving morons, the lot of them.

The worst thing about pointing out snow provoked paranoia is we’re the ones looked at as fools. “You just don’t get it man.” No. I do get it. I get the worst thing that will happen is I might lose my cable or internet for a couple of days. It’s not snowing acid. It’s snow. Not even ice. Snow. Snow will make travel difficult but it’ll be melted in a few days. I don’t need to gear up my car as though I was travelling to Mars. I don’t need more food than I’ll eat in a month in my house. I don’t need to deck my house out as though the snow will magically morph into a blood thirsty monster who can only be defeated with loaves of bread and flashlights. Sure, it’s good to be prepared for an emergency, but you can be TOO prepared. Best case scenario is you get a couple days off to chill at home. Worst case scenario, Netflix Instant won’t have the movie you want to watch. So you wait awhile to watch The Wire. It’ll be ok. I promise.

If it isn’t ok, I’m fucked because I’ve got no flashlights or milk sandwiches to barter my way out of being gang raped by post apocalyptic snow zombies. If that does happen, boy am I gonna feel stupid.

Until that happens, calm the fuck down and enjoy a couple days off.

Also, we don’t need anymore of the following on Facebook -

• Pictures/videos of your pet in snow. We get it. Mr. Ranger Pants loves to frolic in snow.
• Same for kids. Hilarious. Your kid loves snow. That’s as entertaining as watching a kid play in snow.
• Pictures from your doorway. Yep. It snowed. It’s deep. Cool.
• People touting Glee as the greatest thing ever. It’s not good. It’s not snow related, but we don’t need anymore of it.

Keep warm!

- C&J