An Uninformed Opinion

Hi, kids. I know it’s been a while since we’ve “blogged” for you – we’ve posted the occasional odd picture with a “clever” quip, but we really haven’t had anything of substance to say for quite a while. Well, that changes today with a brand new look for the blog and a brand new category to boot! You wouldn’t even have noticed, huh? This is just for us, more or less. Oh, also..hey Joel, give me a call about tonight when you read this. They say the weather is supposed to get pretty shitty. Who knows, right? Hahahaha…ok, later – and don’t forget to watch out for Randy!

To kick off “An Uninformed Opinion”, we figured there’s no hotter topic right now than the protests currently tearing Egypt a new Sphynx-hole.  This is going to sound contrived, but I (Chad!) honestly have no fucking idea what’s going on in Cairo. I don’t read news. Is it still like this? ‘Cuz that doesn’t seem bad at all! I did see a headline that made me think they’re protesting over…maybe…food prices/unemployment/being poor and mistreated. Is that even close? Wait, did Egypt also disconnect the fucking internet?? Well no matter, since this is the all-new An Uninformed Opinion…

So, like…what the fuck, Egypt? Actually, you know what? My absolute, #1 gut-reaction to this was: Hey, what the fuck America!? When I skimmed a post that maybe stated that these folks are rising up in the streets over unemployment and poverty and a basic distrust of their government, I had a pang of anger right behind my eyeballs: Does any of that sound familiar? I know what you’re thinking: “You’re a dick, Chad. Do you have any idea what the people of Egypt have been through? To compare the cushy, materialist, freedom-having life of the “average” American to theirs is a downright insult to these brave humans!” – and you’d be partially right: the “human” part.

But I don’t give a shit. Did you not read the title of this waste of time? This is not a respected, legitimate source of breakthrough, useful information like this site is. It’s just two fat, angry guys who have been told they’re funny for too long not to feel the need to squirt jokes all over your face. We’re not reporters or members of the media; we’re bloggers. And we’re probably assholes, but it’s all part of a larger joke to both of us. Anyway..we don’t worry about facts, so “news” aside – it’s actually a bit of a relief to me to see a citizenry (take notes, Americans) refusing to lie down and take it up whatever their most painful insertion hole may be, respectively. Revolution is the reason literally everybody reading this is alive and “free”. Have we forgotten that? Yeah, I guess it was a long time ago.

Nothing on this planet is intended to remain static forever. Things have to evolve. Whether or not you think monkeys do, can we agree that Beastie Boys’ music did? Or our chosen modes of transportation? Things change; it’s one of the only absolute truths on Earth. We’ve got to adapt. You can only keep poking that angry possum for so long before you’ve got a dick full of rabies. Is that a terrible analogy, or just bad hyperbole? Oh well. Look, it’s goddamn time to start respecting each other as humans. When the motherships come, guess who’s gonna want a ride to safety in your Accord? That’s right: ALL OF HUMANITY. So love your neighbor. All the time. Even when she’s asleep. Yeah, like I told her to sleep in only a tank top and those boy-short/panty things. Holy SHIT!

This is becoming a rant – so basically, we stand in solidarity for our Egyptian blogging brothers. That’s probably the craziest part I’ve heard: The idea of a government “turning off” the internet should make every sphincter reading this contract by at least 75%. How would your day go without ANY news or status updates or RSS feeds or amateur porn apps? Or, you know, being able to use your phone to find out which buildings on which Cairo streets are currently exploding. Pretty fucking lousy, I know. Me too. Get it together, Earth.

- C&J