“Women of the future are likely to be slightly shorter and plumper, have healthier hearts and longer reproductive windows. These changes are predicted by the strongest proof to date that humans are still evolving.” — New Scientist
Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up again. It’s my good friend, Evolution. According to a recent article on New Scientist, the waify/tall girl is being phased out by natural selection. The article mentions that shorter, plumper women seem to have lower blood pressure and are more fertile. Good for them. We are sick of tall skinny girls who refuse to get pregnant. The picture above has the feel of a backwards American female evolution chart, but apparently it’s correct. Personally, I’d [Chad] choose the girl on the right before the girl on the left, every single day. But that girl in the middle is a little bit of fleshy perfection. Ow, my celibacy!
The article goes on to mention that future women will indeed be “shorter, plumper and more fertile”, which terrifies and excites me. On the one hand, the new woman will seem endlessly attainable for your everyday loser like me. But on the other hand, it sounds like they could get pregnant if they simply walked passed the towel I keep next to my bed. That isn’t great. Now, I’m all for helping to prove Evolution, but there are some traits that don’t need perpetuation. Like longer reproductive windows. Prepare yourselves for the age of the short, plump, pregnant grandma. Ok, I guess that’s at least funny, but it sure doesn’t sound sexy. Or very highly evolved. Where’s your God now, granny’s boy?
So basically, we’re fine with this. Nobody reading (or writing) this will be alive long enough to reap the benefits of all these weeble-wobble bitches running around, getting pregnant by sitting on public toilet seats. So we probably shouldn’t freak out just yet. But we can start getting ready. I for one am giving myself a vasectomy as soon as I’m done with this post. I’m even going to make it interesting. Now, where’d I put that weedeater made out of fire?
